Week 2

   When in doubt, just shuck it. Shuck it, just shuck it... Shuck it like a Polaroid picture! Shuck your ass, watch yourself! After shucking over 60 oysters out on Tomales Bay, I just can’t stop thinking about shucking! I just love to shuck. It’s too bad I didn't shuck oysters in a dress, that would have been awesome! But despite that, this was still a very successful week; I was able to bang out two dresses! But I give credit to my dear friend Alana from New Zealand. My Kiwi-soul sister, who I met in Fiji 6 months ago, came to visit me and I got to show her my hood! Her vacation here not only gave me an excuse to take a week off of work and just play, but her visit also gave me a plethora of dressing up excursions.

   But did I wear a cocktail dress at the Palace Hotel? Or did I whip out my bright blue dress to wear at Tiffany’s in Union Square ? Nope, I missed those golden opportunities! I even dressed down in leggings and a sweatshirt for champagne tasting at Gloria Ferrer in Sonoma! Silly me! Instead, I dressed up for prison.

  Dress #1 was my most recent purchase(back in 2013 of course), a grey and white striped dress. It seemed absolutely appropriate to wear stripes behind bars. And if you're going to dress up for jail, go big: Alcatraz ! I finally paid my first visit to Alcatraz in style and dressed up for all the ghosts hiding in the drafty, dark corners.

    I decided to just go for it with dress #2. So, I busted out my waaaay too tight, too short, grey,  Banana Republic dress for a night out on the town in SF. And I was literally ‘busting’ out. Yep, my girls were popping out of my dress a wee bit, oops. But hey, I had to finally get fancy and if the dress kinda fits, rock it!  I even bought some red lipstick and didn't wimp out and wipe it off! I danced slutty but drank classy with Manhattans.

 But more importantly then the fact that I wore 2 dresses this week, is that fact that I learned  a very, VERY valuable lesson, which I just have to share! I learned about the the art of 'eye fucking', pardon my French. Leave it to my Kiwi friend to teach me the ways of the world. You would think that by now, at the age of  30, I would have flirting with men dialed, right? Apparently I've totally missed the cardinal rule to flirting.

How to ‘Eye F*#k’
A) Hold your drink delicately in your hand and slowly stroke your beverage
B) After catching a strapping young lad’s attention with your strokin' action, make eye contact
C) Pretend you’re coy but give a smile while maintaining eye contact, even laugh a little, then look away

   Ok, so I totally got step A down, but well, as for steps B and C, I guess I need a lot more practice. I just started giggling, then snorting loudly. Yep, apparently snorting does not get you guys. It’s a good thing we didn't go to the Tipsy Pig, because I think I would have a new nick name. So, until I master this new skill, I think I’ll just stick to dancing and shaking my fanny to attract the opposite sex. Oh shoot, I mean ‘bum’! Apparently, in New Zealand, ‘fanny’ is a lady’s va-JJ! I don't think I want to shake that just yet to get a guy's attention.

That's it for this week: 2 down, 57 to go. Did I mention that I like to shuck?
I’m still kicking myself for not shucking oysters in a dress.