Week 23

   A few days ago I walked into Rite Aid with the sole intention of buying some conditioner. However, I left the store with conditioner and a copy of GQ in my hands. I had not planned on buying a magazine, but I also didn't plan for Channing Tatum to be on the cover and to be smiling directly at me. I'm trying very hard not to spend money on any extra, unnecessary things so I can save for my Move-to-Hawaii-Fund, but sometimes there are very crucial exceptions that need to be made. This week's exception was an article written about my favorite Hollywood man, not my traditional type (but for you, dear Channing, I'll deviate from my 'type' any day of the week).  I thought to myself that this magazine would make great bathroom reading material and I'd throw it next to my copies of Rock & Ice and Anthropologie catalogs. But when the time came to bring him into the bathroom, I just couldn't do it, it didn't feel right. Most men like to believe, or perhaps just pretend to believe, that women don't go # 2, nor do we ever fart (and if we did happen to let out a toot... if one just slipped out... it would only smell like roses). No, I couldn't stash Channing next to the toilet; he's just too hot to be stored in the water closet. Also, it just felt as if by doing so, it would be letting him in on our little girl secret: we are human too.
 
   There are certain things in life you just don't do. You don't bring your dream man into the bathroom with you while you handle your business. You don't burp while french kissing a new boyfriend. You don't swallow a mouth full of wasabi on a dare. You don't wear white while backpacking or try switching to all-natural deodorant on a first date. You don't go swimming right after you eat. You don't booty dance in super tight jeans (they'll end up tearing and you'll go through jeans like they're kegs in a frat house) and you don't paddle board in a dress. Actually, the last thing...the whole 'paddle boarding in a dress' concept ain't such a bad idea, especially if the weather is nice. The worst that could happen would be that you'd fall in the water and get super cold with the possibility of inadvertently flashing some nearby boat captains. Today, I decided 'why not?', the benefits outweighed the risks.

  The sun was shinning, the weather was warm. It was the perfect day to get out on the bay with a group of my awesome coworkers. I've gone out on a SUP before, so I felt like it was a pretty safe bet that I wouldn't fall in the murky, cold bay water in a dress so I gambled...and it paid off. It probably would have been a funnier story if I said I fell in and charmed a bearded boat captain as I swam back to my board in a soaking wet dress. But unfortunately that did not happen; I'll save a story like that for another sick week. Instead, I had a fun-filled day paddle boarding in a dress. So, sometimes risking doing the things you 'don't do' just works out for the best. I'd chance blowing out another pair of jeans dancing and would accept a dare to swim on a full stomach. Yet, there are still certain things I'm keeping on my "Don't" list. I'm sticking to the unnatural deodorant for any first dates and I'll never eat a mound of wasabi in one bite again.  As for Channing Tatum, he's staying out of my bathroom. As I write this now, he's in my bedroom, laying on my bed. Now, that's definitely the proper place for him to be.

What's SUP, yo?!