Week 50

  Well, where do I even begin? I feel like each time I start pushing my fingers against my keyboard, I immediately hold down the backspace button to erase any words I start writing. Hitting the delete button does not have the same satisfying effect as crumpling up pieces of paper from a typewriter and throwing them into the waste bin across the room. I don't know where to start or how to even write about this. I don't want to sound melodramatic or too nonchalant and casual.  I just went through the scariest experience of my life and I'm finding it very difficult to transfer so many new emotions into words. I guess I'll just write, and see what comes out. I'll try my best to express the events as they happened. On a bonus note, I do get to include a dress in the story, although I now consider it my least favorite dress I've ever worn.

   I still see them now, six days later when I close my eyes. I see headlights, bright headlights expanding quickly as they head directly for me. It's weird, it felt like it happened really fast but also in slow motion, so I kind of get it when other people use both analogies as they describe that moment of impact. It's fast but slow, a complete oxymoron.  I didn't have much time to process what was happening, I just remember thinking NO, they're in the wrong lane, they're in my lane. I tried to move my car out of the way. There was no noise or no crash. That was it, it was all so silent. It was dark. When I opened my eyes I saw two people at my door, trying to get it open. The guy had to pull hard on the handle and force it ajar. There was a weird material in my lap, an off-white burlap kind of fabric and then I realized it was my deployed airbags.
   That's when I pieced together what had just happened and I quickly started to shake and felt the heat of my tears as they hit my checks.
  The guy and girl that came to my aid carefully got me out of my car and helped me to the side of the road out of the street. They did all the right things, they asked me my name and reassured me that an ambulance was on its way. I couldn't bend my right leg, and felt a sharp pain deep in my knee. Also, the back of my head pounded and I felt warm liquid beginning to stream down the back of my neck. I knew I was hurt and bleeding; I was terrified.

   It was Saturday morning and I was on my way to my first day on the job. It was a job where I knew I'd have to be investing in more sunscreen; a job where I'd be working as crew for the boat, Pride of Maui. I was so excited and so nervous. It was supposed to be my training day, a day with me on the boat, getting a feel for things and my goal was to impress the boat captain so he would say, "Yes, you're hired, we want you full time!"
   It was 5:30 am when I left my apartment and it was still dark out, you could barely make out the separation between the ocean and the sky. I wore my sporty Prana swimsuit under a blue collared shirt and a white pair of shorts. On the passenger side seat I had thrown a backpack full with extra layers, my Chacos, a water bottle, and a notebook with a few more last minute scribbled facts about humpbacks whales I wanted to memorize to impress the customers on the boat.

  In the ER, I wasn't less scared, I was still shaking. My clothes had been cut off me earlier and I was lifted from a backboard onto a gurney. I was covered with a few blankets for my shock, and the nurses that helped me kept reminding me to take long deep breaths as I gasped for air in between my tears. The nurses were also really nice because they saved my Prana swimsuit and even cleaned all the blood stains off of it. Finally, after my parents were called, I was given a morphine IV, and I had learned the names of the some of the nurses and doctors, I began to breath more normally. I was given X rays for both ankles and my right knee. Doctors used an ultrasound on my stomach to rule out any internal bleeding. I had a CAT scan and and MRI of my head and neck. Overall, I came out extremely lucky, beyond lucky. Thank you, universe. I found out I had a fractured knee with a deep lesion, a major concussion and cut on the back of my head and then just some sprained ankles, cuts, bruises and welts from where the seat belt kept me from flying out the window.

     I experienced some major firsts. Most of these firsts were firsts I never hoped I'd ever have to go through, but some did come with a bit of humor. And I need to incorporate some humor, especially after an event like this. This was the first time I had morphine. Also, this was the first time I ever broke something on my body, and with a broken knee... I was praising humankind for the invention of morphine. This was the first time I was put under anesthesia for surgery(minus the extraction of my wisdom teeth) Because of the big gash on my knee, my doc, Doctor Boody, was worried about infection, so he had to get into it, clean it all out, then  stitch it up. After the procedure I was super, duper doped up, and as I came to...the nurse was laughing at me. Apparently, I was telling him about my amazing dreams of hot guys.

    It was the first time I spent a night in a hospital, in fact, it was two nights. I experienced using a bed pan and received a sponge bath for the first time as well. Maybe the sponge bath would have been more exciting if it was given to me by a Channing Tatum look-alike, or a male nurse for that matter, but it was nothing to write home about. However, I did manage to embarrass a few male nurses, because I saw their faces turn red. Getting up and out of the hospital bed required some major assistance given my injury, and hospital gowns are not known for being the most modest garments either. Whatever, it's just a bum, and after everything that just happened I wasn't the least bit shy about flashing my bum to some nurses(they're supposed to be used to seeing butts!)

  There's a lot more I could talk about. I have six staples in my head. It makes me feel tough saying that, but the truth is I was anything but tough when I was getting them. I have a new pair of crutches and my car Kaia is officially in the car cemetery. That's the main thing, it's just my car there, not me. I'm  alive.  My doctor told me that the day after I was admitted there was another drunk driver that collided with someone else and that victim had passed away. Again, I'm alive. Oh yeah, that too... it was a drunk driver that hit me. I know that because I had to share the ambulance ride back with him to the hospital, and I could smell the booze seeping out of him. That was really weird and I couldn't look at him. Maybe later I'll be angry, but right now I'm just thankful to be breathing and with minimal injuries. And I'm counting my lucky Hawaiian stars that I'm sitting here and able to use all my fingers to write this out.

So here's the gown that I wore this week, and yes it's my least favorite.

This is what's left of my car after the head on collision. If you want to share this picture, feel free. I know it's almost the holidays, and there are going to be lots of parties and lots of booze consumed, so maybe if you show this to someone and they share it and so on...maybe it will make a difference and it could prevent someone else from getting behind the wheel while intoxicated.