Week 51 1/2

   Mele Kalikimaka! That's means 'Merry Christmas' in Hawaiian! My recent goal, after the accident,  has been to focus on silver linings. I've made a valiant effort to have a rosy outlook and come up with comforting prospects during the aftermath. The main silver lining is the fact that I get to spend much needed time with my friends and family. My mom and brother both flew to Hawaii to be by my side and to celebrate Christmas together. Also, I get to have more time with my family and friends when I fly to California in a two days (Oh yes, I'm heading back to the Bay Area for a few weeks. I decided that living alone on the third floor would prove challenging with a broken knee). I'll also get to see some redwoods, practice playing my banjo, and wear my favorite Prana sweaters. Yes, I'm trying to look for those blue skies in the break in the clouds!
 
   But, I'm not going to lie, this has been one of the hardest weeks ever for me. I'm super emotional and pretty traumatized. My doc validated this feeling when he said I would probably experience PTSD for a while. I think he's absolutely right. Sometimes, when I close my eyes at night before I fall asleep, I can see impending car headlights coming for me. While on the way to Christmas Eve dinner, a fire truck near our rental car, gave the loudest honk at some other car, and I screamed in alarm and started to cry. Yep, I think it's probably good that I'm going back to Cali for a few weeks, I need some support after all this.
 
  Also, I'm totally okay with taking a hiatus from driving. Needless to say, not only can I not operate a moving vehicle with a bum leg, but the thought of driving makes me rather anxious at the moment. The next wheel I get behind is indeed going to be the wheel of my future truck named Rambo. More silver lining: I'm going to get myself a big, safe truck with 4 wheel drive, I wasn't joking. Trucks don't get stuck in mud in sugar cane fields either, more silver lining.
 
  To continue with focusing on the bright side of things, I also feel reassured with my decision to move to Hawaii. I've realized how very determined I am to make a life here for myself. I have more certainty and drive than ever before; some stupid drunk driver isn't going to dare mess with my dreams!  I can't  get in the ocean for at least six weeks, so I just keep picturing the day when I can jump back into my ocean and feel the salty warm water as I swim. I also imagine myself working on that boat, seeing the whales breach and dolphins spin. I picture myself saying, "I'm here, I had a bump in  the road, but I got here." In the meantime, while I'm recouping in Cali, I can make more paintings and jewelry to put in galleries. So again, the lining is that I have a lot of time to make some art. I have a sneaking suspicion that this whole appreciation of being alive jazz is going to be very conducive to creativity and inspiration for my art.
 

I definitely overdressed for Christmas Eve dinner, but I finally wore my BCBG mini dress! I decided to say, "What the Heck, why not?" I had to do something to doll up 'em crutches. 

I figured out how to get up and down the stairs with one leg, all by myself and I was soooo stoked! I felt like a proud little kid, announcing, "Look what I can do!" However that excitement was short lived after a downpour of rain that left the railing and steps slick and slippery...then getting down the stairs became more frightening rather than exciting. I love my apartment...but three flights of stairs with a broken knee (43 steps to be exact) is not ideal. I'm very much looking forward to recovering in California at my mom's one-story house!!  By the way, all these dresses are suddenly very useful. I find pants and shorts difficult to wear with a leg in a brace. See??? My dress obsession is proving to be quite useful!